Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
