So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
