I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
