New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
