we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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