Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
