I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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