I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
