You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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