i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
