I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
