i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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