Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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