just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
