handjob tips. give me some.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
