Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
