When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
