okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
