i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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