I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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