If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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