Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
