I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
