Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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