i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I intend to get homeless drunk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
