Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
