I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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