who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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