Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
