Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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