Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
