there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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