Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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