Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
