I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
