Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize