why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
