We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
