shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
