You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
