well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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