I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
3pm strippers are depressing
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
