Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
