He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
