just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
