I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so much tequila, so little girl.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
