Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize