My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
