john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
