Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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