I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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