I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
