There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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