Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
