I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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