He asked me if I "almost moaned"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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