It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
