I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
