So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
