I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
