Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
