It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
