Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
