I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
