I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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