Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
