You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
