2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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