Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
