he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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