This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize